by Derek Dobson
At this time of the year, for many people fortunate enough, their thoughts may be focused on a cruise. The very word ‘cruise’ conjures up long, beautiful summer days filled with sunshine, relaxation and happiness.
Yet for others, the word ‘CRUSE’ is not only spelt differently, but it also takes on a whole new meaning.
For many, the word ‘cruse’ has come to be recognised as an organisation dedicated to serve the bereaved through either counselling, social groups, information or training – in fact for most needs that arise as the result of the loss of a loved one. Cruse Bereavement Care1 – a national organisation and registered charity – exists to promote the well-being of bereaved people and to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss.
Last year celebrated the 50th Anniversary2 since Margaret Torrie3 – one of the most remarkable women of her generation – founded the organisation that was originally conceived for the benefit of widows and orphans. Since then, it has grown to provide 135 branches across England, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Isle of Man. Its doors have been opened to all who have suffered the loss of a loved one. There are no restrictions or discrimination, Cruse are a multi-faith charity – and all are welcome.
What’s in a name?
So why the name ‘cruse’ and where did it come from? Well, a ‘cruse’ is an earthenware vessel for holding oil – and the idea for calling the organization ‘cruse’, came ‘out of the blue’. At that time, Margaret Torrie – then an experienced social worker – and her husband, Alfred, a Quaker and psychiatrist, were experimenting with meditation techniques, concentrating on the meaning of compassion. ‘Out of the blue’, as Torrie herself put it, ‘came a directive’ to do something for widows.Central to this, the story in the Old Testament (1 Kings, Chapter 17) about a widow and her son being helped, not only over a particular problem at the time, but also to begin anew, gave inspiration to Margaret Torrie.
The widow described in Chapter 17 shared the last of her food with a passing stranger without promise or thought of any return. The outcome had that touch of transforming magic that true generosity always produces. The record says: ‘For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth’.4 And continues: ‘And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord…’ 5
So ‘Cruse’ was adopted as a fitting name for an organisation built on the generosity of concerned people and on the giving, within their means, of widows themselves. There was reason to believe that this way the ‘Cruse’ would never again be empty. Since those early days the organisation has grown substantially to become the largest charity of its kind worldwide. Last year Cruse served the needs of around 100,000 people including children.
What to do or say?
When someone dies, those associated with the bereaved – whether close family, other relatives, friends or work colleagues – often have difficulty in knowing what to say, which is perfectly understandable.
The following tips are therefore provided as a guide of what can be said and also phrases that should be avoided:
And for me, Cruse has become a big part of my life. I joined the charity some twenty years ago since which time counselling has changed considerably. Perhaps it has moved with society and attitudes? When I became a member, nearly everyone carried out the work solely and simply to help those who were struggling to get through difficult and emotionally draining situations. Today, however, counsellors are far better trained with high ‘professional’ standards and qualifications.
I have been Chairman of Bexley Branch for a number of years, during which time the number of members has grown considerably as has our expertise in different areas. For example, we are now able to counsel children – which is a specialist area. And I’ve personally been counselling young offenders – aged 18 to 21 – in prison for the past eight years. This work, too, is of a specialist nature and perhaps worthy of a separate article.
I have been privileged to hear of many young men’s life experiences which have taught me much. As with life, we all learn from each other and I have learned considerably from these young men, many of whom have been through horrific childhoods. But that’s another story.
All our members at the Bexley Branch are volunteers since we are not funded – apart from some grants we have been able to obtain with the aid of three recently recruited fundraisers, all of whom have now become counsellors after attending our annual training course.
Nationally, Cruse is always looking for volunteers. All their bereavement volunteers who will come in contact with clients must first complete Cruse training – Awareness in Bereavement Care, a course requiring 60 hours of study – before they are able to work with and for bereaved people.
If you are interested, then the first step to becoming a volunteer is by filling in a volunteer application form which can be found on their website6. Once completed, the form should be sent to their Central Office (address on the form) which will give them the information needed to get you started on volunteering with Cruse. This will then be sent to your local area or branch of Cruse, where you would be working.
The death of a loved one can often result in those left behind trying to ‘pick up the pieces’ and endeavouring to cope in what can be a lonely world. Cruse is here to help and serve the bereaved and with their professional care no one should ever have to grieve alone.
Daytime Helpline: 0844 477 9400
Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Website: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
To write: Cruse Bereavement Care, PO Box 800, Richmond, Surrey, TW9 2RG
Cruse is a registered charity No:208078
When someone dies, there are many practical and official duties that need to be performed – and within a very short space of time.
If you are responsible for registering the death, contacting the various officials and making funeral arrangements you will need to have at hand the personal details of the deceased. These will include: date and place of birth; first and any previous names; last address, date and place of death; name, occupation and date of birth of any surviving widow/widower or civil partnership, and whether the person was receiving a pension or allowance from public funds.
Things to be done in the first five days7
There are a few steps that need to be taken shortly after the death. In many cases the hospital or GP involved will help you with these early steps:
The website www.direct.gov.uk provides in-depth and very useful information to guide you through all the many and varied processes and procedures that need to be carried out following a death. (And, of course, all this information is free.)
There is also a very comprehensive book on the market: What to do when someone dies: From funeral planning to probate and finance by Anne Wadey, Head of the Bereavement Advice Centre, published by Which? (Essential Guides).
The title is fully revised and updated and takes the reader step-by-step in an easy to read guide through the processes of registering a death and arranging a funeral, through to the completion of the administration as well as looking at the process of grief.
The book also contains a glossary of terms and a section listing useful addresses at the back.
Published May 2010, ISBN 978 1 84490 072 5, it costs £10.99 and can be purchased from www.which.co.uk/books by phone on: 01903 828557 or from bookstores.
1. http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
2. Founded in 1959 in Richmond upon Thames, Cruse now has 5.500 volunteers operating from 138 branches across England, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Isle of Man.
3. Ellen Margaret Torrie, social worker, born March 17, 1912; died September 8, 1999
4. 1 Kings 17:14 (King James version)
5. 1 Kings 17:16 (ibid)
6. http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/PDFs/VolAppForm.pdf
7. Source: www.direct.gov.uk
Bridget Molloy is an 18-year-old student who will be studying Egyptian archaeology in September and whose home is just outside Belfast. She was just 15 when her mother died in 2007 from lung cancer. The following year saw the death of her grandmother, and a year later in 2009 her granddad died too.
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